The mental load of motherhood for my embryos means thinking constantly, sometimes non-stop, about what the next steps are, what I am doing to move them forward, and what has to happen to ensure one or both of these babies get to grow and thrive and join us earth side. It means thinking about my body, and our TTC journey, and the medications I’ve been on, and the one’s I’ve asked about but haven’t tried, and the failures we’ve had, and how those can keep pushing me forward. It includes plan A, and plan B, and plans C, D, E, F and G. It means thinking about contingencies and roadmaps and whats next and what’s lost and what can still happen. It’s finding patience in the wait. It’s finding ways to manage the anxiety in the wait. It’s all for my embryos. For our babies to be.